MOM...I MISS U..

Missing my mom dearly..It's been 5 months now but why is my heart still hurting...

Life partner : sanggupkah sehidup semati?

We had a gift. Gift of Love from the Al-Mighty. How we use the gift is another story. Some can treasure them and carry them to their grave. Some is still searching for it until they go to their grave. Some, even had it but let it go before they enter their grave.. We have the choice and we make our choices. There shouldn't be any regrets if we made our own choices. We just have to live with our choices.

When we were young, we hardly think of our life partner. Someone may came along our way and we thought that person is our life partner. But life moves on and another person came along and we still thought that person is our life partner. We can never be sure until he/she became our life partner. Even if we married that person, we can never be sure he/she is our life partner. The relationship may end any time during our course of life.

I always belief that a life partner is someone who will always treasure you till the end of time even after that. Someone who will forever put you on the pedestal no matter who you are. Life partner is not only for this life but also for the afterlife. How may of us actually find their true life partner?? I'm sure most would say that they have found him/her. But, as an afterthought..how many of this life partner would think of you every single day after you are gone?? How many are willing to treasure your memory till the end of their time..?

I have seen few who truly loves their partner but after he/she has left, finally their heart turn to someone else. "Life goes on..." the famous quote. If they say love can be shared with many..I doubt that it is true love. There is only one true love and that love can never be shared with any...

"Till death do us part"..what about after death? Most women will remain single after the death of their husband..but most men will remarry after their wife departed..Does it mean women's loves are stronger than men??? Women are more loyal and true to their love ones..? Do wonder about that.. Why do we need to replace our love ones after we had spent our whole adult life with him/her? Why do we cried our eyes out on his/her death bed and looking for their replacement the next day..? Have we actually found our life partner..?

I do not know the answer to all the questions..but one thing for sure...not many of us had actually found our true love. Someone we would share our life alive and after they left..Someone irreplaceable or forgotten for all eternity..Well..we wouldn't know until we face it when the time comes...

I often wonder, how would the departed feels when their life partner who had pledged his/her love for eternity, finally remarried ..? Or do they actually feel..? Or..how would the living partner feels to remarry again after his/her love had departed? Will there be any guilt or betrayal in their hearts...or they just figure out that.."Life goes on.."

So the question is ..are you just a life partner or eternal partner?

24th November 2011

It was on the 21st of November, my family and I went to Alor Setar, my hometown, to pick up our new maid. But first, we decided to drop by my parents' house. Both my parents were there..It was just like any other visits to their home. My dad will sit at his chair and chatting with my husband while my kids did their own stuffs. And me, I will follow my mom wherever she went. So, I follow her to the kitchen. She was chatting all the way and told me about her sprankled ankle. I can see the bandage at her ankle. "Did it still hurt,mom?" She said no but she told me that at that point, she could here and loud "pop" when it happened. She planned to go for "urut" and wanted to asked my youngest brother to pick her up. But since we were there, she told me she planned to go the next day. That day we left their house at 6.30pm. Why did I felt like hugging her when we were leaving?? I was looking at her face..and there was something different which I cant put my finger on it. I really wanted to hugged her but I did not...Now I wish I had....:( That was the last smile I see on my mom's face and will always remember that last smile...

We picked up the new maid and went straight home. I received a call from my sis in law - my mom has to be admitted and later fell into coma..My husband and I rushed back to Alor Setar that same night and when we reached my mom was already in coma and to be taken to the Hospital Sultanah Bahiyah, Alor Setar. I rode the ambulance with her. God only knew how I felt at the time..Just a matter of a few hours ago, she was all smiles and now she was lying so still in the ambulance.

I prayed so hard for her to open her eyes and smile at me again. I guess I was hoping for a miracle...After tests were done, the doctor told me that she had a massive brain haemorrhage and there was nothing that can be done anymore...

On 24th November 2011, I was so tired and sleepy and left the hospital at 3.20am. I told my son to call me if there are any changes. I received the call at 3.30am saying that my mom's pulse was slowing down. My mom left us at 3.57am on 24th November 2011. Al-fatihah..


Mom, I love you..and missing you every hour of the day..You touched so many hearts and left happiness in them. You are loved by every one who knew you because you have a beautiful heart.

Ramadhan 2011

It is now 23 Ramadhan 1432 = 23August 2011. Seven more days of fasting. We have bought "Baju Raya" for the kids, my mom and for MIL. I got mine at one of the bazaar at Prai, Penang. At this age, I dont need expensive new clothes any more.

I remember those days when I will go to the boutique for my baju raya. I was single then..Now I cant afford to dress lavishly. Let the kids enjoy themselves.They will soon grow out of it.

Kad Raya...nowadays it is almost extinct. But it would be great to receive one once in awhile especially from someone special.

Kuih Raya is a must.I will bake a cake and make some cookies but majorities especially the traditional cookies will need to be bake using my fingers..hehehe..at the office.

Open House Raya...it has become a tradition to visit relatives' and friends' houses during this festive season. Now, invitation was sent out to invite friends and families to their house.

Ketupat, be it ketupat pulut or ketupat nasi will be served together with Rendang ayam or rendang daging. Now they even have Rendang Ikan. Ketupat also can be eaten with serunding daging or ayam.

Duit Raya ..this is a time of giving and celebrating the end of fasting.Those days, duit raya was only 10cents or 20cents. Now, it went up to RM2 to RM10 each. Some even went up to rm50 to RM100. No matter what, we cant compare with the Chinese New Year's ang pow..Huge amount!!

WISHING HERE TO ALL MY MUSLIM FRIENDS AND FAMILIES..SELAMAT HARI RAYA. MAAF ZAHIR AND BATIN..TO ALL MY NON-MUSLIM FRIENDS, HAVE AN ENJOYABLE RAYA CELEBRATION AND HAPPY HOLIDAYS....KEEP SMILING:)

Safety Comes first...do you care?

Safety of our loved ones is usually upmost in our mind...but does it always the most important matter in everyone's mind?

Well..every morning I send my kids to school and I usually took the shortest and yet the least busy route to their school. I timed all the possible routes and found one which is the fastest time to reach their schools. But...I had to passed through one kampong road..What I experienced every morning, makes me wonder ..Do these people care about their kids' life?

• 3 small children about 8 to 10 yo crossing a busy road, carrying heavy bags, without any adult supervising them. I've seen the cars had to break hard to avoid them..God forbid..if something should happened ...
• A father riding motorbike with 4 children-(one in front and 3 at the back)..only the father is wearing a helmet...Wonder where are their bags??
• A boy in school uniform, about 9yo, riding his bicycle on a narrow road (usually Kampong road is quite narrow)..without any light. Every time there's a water puddle, he would just swerve the bike to avoid it..mind you, there are a lot of water puddles on this road...you can imagine the car behind him had to slow down to a crawl to avoid hitting him..

How could any parents put their children's life at risk or are they just couldn't be bothered? These are some of the examples that I've seen on the road every morning..Not to mention the older boys with their motorbikes ( without helmet) racing with friends on the road...There was an accident which costs one life due to these boys about a year ago. An old man was hit and run by them. The police manage to identify them when one of the name tag with the school badge was found at the scene..Crime doesn't pay..

To all parents out there..children are god's gifts to us...Love and care for them..Think of their safety above anything else..

21 JUNE 2011

Today marked the 47th year of my life...That is a big number..3 years to be half a century..I'm almost ancient..hahaha..My mom was the first to sent me Birthday message..but my husband wished me my first birthday wish....Then my 2 little ones..

My colleagues gave me a cake at the office. And surprisingly I received a bouquet of flowers from my old buddy fro

m schooling time,,It was definitely a wonderful surprise...

Well...I wonder what I have achieved for the past 47 years...??There were a few good memories

and quite a number of not so good memories..These events made us what we are today..more colors gave more personalities traits..Wiser? I guess some would still question this ability..especially after what I have gone through these past years. Greater patience? Well, most would definitely agree to this trait.. Matured? maybe..Complacent? That's

a definite NO!! More things to do and explore...

Thanks to my 3 children who has given me enough colors to my life...Without them, I will not be as strong as I am now.They are my strength and wisdom. They reminde me of who I was before. There are times I wish th

ey could be like me..more independant and strong minded but I cant change them. They are what they are. I just hope that they will grow to be strong in bo

dy, mind and health. It take times and experience to be what I am now.

My past experience had me strong minded and almost heartless..These could be good or maybe bad. Depends on how some look at it..Some even said I am too "degil" never one to listen to other's opinion or advices. Some even questioned me.." seriously you dont feel anything??not even anger??" Somehow..heartless people seldom hurts especially the strong-minded-heartless person.. We just dont care and couldn't be bother to think or consider things that cant be changed..That should be a good thing. right?Less heartache and worries...live longer..

So, the day is almost over, finally, I've received birthday wishes from my eldest son.. Frankly I thought he would be the first to wish me (feeling quite disappointed that he didn't even send me a tinkle) but unfortunately he was ill today. Get well soon dear boy...

Hubby gave me perfume..does it mean I dont smell good enough for him??hehehe

Happy birthday Auni...

12 June 2011 - Auni's 11th birthday..The number added another one year but she is still the baby girl..I told her that she is going to get her I/C next year..She asked me back.."I/C tu apa ibu?"

My sister-in-law and family came to our house for her birthday bringing along my MIL (whose birthday a day earlier). So, I planned with my maid, since they are here, might as well we had a small makan-makan for the occasion. I bought blueberry cheese cake from Secret Recipe and my maid cooked fried bihun..

Auni with her cousins, sister and her sister's friend....

Where's Amir? He is somewhere at the back of the house

..sulking- because it was not his birthday...and attention are all for his sister...

Auni's presents from ibu, Amir, Ayah Kak Ika,

Kak Alia and Ayah Yan...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY AUNI....

You will always be my lill innocent girl...Love you always! (Hangsang salang - in Korean)